Having only a class to attend to on a supposed Quezon City holiday, I decided to pass by National Bookstore on my way back to the dorm. It wasn’t on the way, but the longer walk was well worth the trip.
You see, I have a penchant for all things National Bookstore. School supplies excite me more than the newest album release, for example, and it has been that way ever since. I spent an hour going through all the aisles of the Katipunan branch and came home with the most trivial things. Case in point: this reusable water bottle that folds up when not in use. Clearly, the pretentious environmentalist in me acted on impulse again.
Halfway through my going to and fro the corners of the store, I suddenly felt a familiar feeling that has evaded me in the past two months. Everything around me quickly turned into reminders of where I left off from my previous relationship–the marketing manuals, the colored envelopes we used to exchange, the cards, the Project Papers–everything. I did not realize how much of my normal routine included chunks of him. It struck me, but I’m glad I was finally hit. Better now, than when I’ve finally started 101% anew.
So it’s true when they say that the time you reach the plateau of your emotions will also be the time when you’ll sink back even further. Don’t get me wrong here, I am okay and I couldn’t have asked for things to go any better than now. It’s just that it literally feels like starting over again–with your “routines” having to tell you they aren’t anymore.
My decision of breaking free still holds true as the smartest choice I have ever made for myself in a long while. Although, as I am but a fragile 19-year-old, remnants of the unending question of what-could-have-been still haunt me from time to time.
And, as much as I would want to forget, it won’t be fair to deny that those four years gave me some of the best memories I’ve had as a growing teen.