Cross-posted from Everyday Reveries.
Exactly a week after my big leap, I found myself walking through the same uneven ground last night while on my way to hitch with a friend.
I saw the same spot—those lights which were exactly parallel to where we stood, that tree, that building I could see in my periphery. Everything was in place, myself included, but you weren’t there.
I guess that’s how things are supposed to work out. Me, finally freeing myself of the baggage that came with wanting you to be okay and you, finally needing to hear those words from someone, anyone, just so you could begin to see how much credit you aren’t giving yourself.
We don’t have to be together and I’ve told you this before. I don’t even have to exist in your universe because I know you can make do without me. During those times when you didn’t want to be found, I tried and tried to look for you but to no avail. I think I was reading it wrong, maybe you really didn’t want to be found by me. Maybe, I just wasn’t enough.
Nonetheless, I thank you for making me feel like people are still worth saving. That gives me a bit of hope knowing that maybe someday, someone will see me the way I see you. That someday, I will find my savior as well.
I’m pretty sure you’ll never get to read this, but when you do, I hope that you remember everything I told you that night. Remember that you will always be worth it.
Bottom line? Even though I know that I will never feel the same way about that parking lot again, I know that something in me’s changed. I’m finally pushed to working on this relationship I have with myself so that when my time comes, when whoever comes—
I’ll be ready.